6 powerful ways to avoiding Heart Breaks-Ways that work!

 

HOW TO AVOID HEART BREAKS

 

Hearts breaks can be terrifying and traumatic experience especially between young people. Let’s consider the story of Egwolor.

“Obokparo and I have been dating for about a year now. Over that period, our emotional bond grew. Throughout the day, He would send me lovely and reassuring text messages. We regularly exchanged gifts and that made our bond grow even stronger. But when He wanted to end the relationship, He could not even face me. He just stopped talking to me. I felt helpless, dejected and extremely disappointed. The disappointment was so overwhelming that it took a turn on my sense of esteem and self-worth.” Said Egwolor.

If you have ever been in a situation similar to that of Egwolor, your pain and disappointment at your love experience may have been worse or critical. Perhaps, less severe. But whether less or more, it is one experience no one wish to have.

While heart breaks may almost seem unavoidable in some cases, there are measures that reduce their occurrence. Like they say, time heal wounds, but I consider this saying to be greater; that “prevention is usually better than cure.”

Be rest assured that by simply applying the following tips, you reduce the possibility of short-living your romantic experience with the person you may end up dating in the future as well as forge a better and firmer foundation for a smooth ride in your ongoing love journey. I’m sure you cannot wait to hear them out, can you?

1.     1. Define your Relationships:

Let’s consider Obokparo’s side of the story.

“Egwolor and I have been friends for a long time before we later got intimate. We liked each other, did several things together, later fell into love but the truth is that I never asked her out. We were only overwhelmed with the emotional entanglement. It doesn’t seem to me like I broke her heart.”

Emotions can be crazy and they can sometimes drive us crazy too. When we have strong feelings for someone or desire for a deeper connection, we may interpret their actions or words in a way that aligns with our desires. This wishful thinking can cloud our judgement and lead us to believe that the other person reciprocates our feelings, even if there’s no clear indication of mutual interest. This is why it is important to define your relationships with your partner. Seek clarity about your expectations and what you both want. You can ask questions like “I know we like each other, but what exactly are we? Just friends, mere lovers? If you are already dating, you can ask questions like ‘What does commitment mean to you?”, “What do you expect from a partner to feel loved?”, “What is your communication style?

 

2.     2.    Communicate your standards, ask questions:

It is important to openly communicate your expectations, intentions, values and your boundaries. Talk about your likes and your dislikes before your partner, ask about theirs. This is to foster trust, respect, emotional safety and a framework for navigating challenges and resolving conflicts effectively when they occur. Conflict is an unavoidable aspect of any social affair. It either makes, mold or mar. Two-way and open communication about your values and standards will provide a rigid framework for commitment and genuine connection.

 

3.     3.   Date intentionally not emotionally:

When people meet me and I tell them to date intentionally and not emotionally, I hear comments like “Are you encouraging us to be with someone we do not like or are not attracted to?”, and my response is simply No.

 

Attraction is a vital aspect for sustaining long term relationships and I do not advise you date people you do not have feelings for, but because emotions can sometimes be fleeting and short-lived, you should not let it get into the way of your decision making. It is easier to get swept up in the excitement of your tingles stage and overlook potential red flags that may precipitate heart breaks in the future. This is why you should not only date emotionally but also intentionally; evaluating whether or not the person you are about to date or already dating has the qualities you need for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. This usher us to the next:

4.    4.   Watch out for Red flags:

 When He was asked why He suddenly cut off from Egwolor, Obokparo made the statements:

 “She feels too entitled. She doesn’t listen to me when I talk. She never accepts that she’s wrong whenever we have a fight. I thought I could fix her flaws but it only got worse. I was drained and had to leave to clear my head.”

It is easier to get swept up in the excitement of your new love experience. Amongst other stages of Relationships, is the initial experience. Love experts call it the tingles stage. In the tingle stage, nothing matter more than how you both feel, your heart feels so light as it is ready to take a flight. In some cases, you are convinced that you may have finally found your soul mate. Relationships shrink when you let your feelings overlook obvious red flags. Sadly, we cannot overlook red flags for so long. When the sheeps are down in the valley, naturally, our tolerance grows to become resentment. When resentment sets in, the connection that you crave will be lost and break up would only be a mile away.

Identify red flags, evaluate them whether or not you would be able to cope with them. If yes, good luck. If No, let them know and walk away.

 

5.     5.  Date when you are both ready:

Relationships- long term relationships require emotional maturity, emotional intelligence and emotional stability. Often times, seemingly smooth-running romantic affairs suddenly break down because of lack of emotional preparedness. Developing these qualities would help save your union in times when the tingles or the butterflies in your stomach has died off. During this period, it is not going to work based on tingles, it is going to work based on sense of commitment.

Several issues of heartbreak have been attributed to dating people that are not ready for commitment when you are. These set of people delight joy in dating just for fun and perhaps, just for the pleasure of the moment. They are serial daters. They are concerned with just the present but not any future with you.

This is why it is very important to talk before you commit. Ask questions, share your values and critically examine their responses. One saying goes that ‘our intentions are usually not so far from the things we say and the responses that we give’. Whenever you find out their noncommitment habit, move back, let them know and walk away. Otherwise, they may not move back nor walk away. They will move to the next and you become a victim. Is that what you want?

 

6.     6.  Date your kind of Person:

Different parameters drive our attraction. This is why we often hear people say things like “I like tall people”, “I’m attracted to rather fair Men or women”, “I love dark skinned”.  But when it’s about dating and relationships, we sometimes neglect these objects of attraction. Amongst others, lasting relationships thrive on our likes, preferences and compatibility. Compatibility can be physical attributes like your perception of beauty or handsomeness or compatibility in values, mindset and thought patterns. Date your kind of person!

In conclusion:

While most cases of heartbreaks could have been avoided, they do not have to define us in the least way when they happen. Rather than get broken when they happen, you can harness its power to evolve, become emotionally stronger, more resilient, become a better version of yourself, wiser enough to develop better ways of preventing its recurrence or dealing with heart breaks when they happen.